How does a person move beyond fears, eliminate negative self-beliefs, and create the life of his or her dreams? How does a person unlock their unlimited potential to achieve relationship fulfillment and success at home, at work, and within oneself? Can a person create peace, joy, passion, and love in all areas of their life and dramatically change in 12 steps?

Most of us have heard about The Secret. It is a new book and DVD that explains a concept about how we can live the life of our dreams. Oprah has endorsed it and everyone across America is talking about it. It is one thing to hear someone talk about how to have the life of our dreams, but what are the steps to actually begin Living the Secret? What is the secret behind The Secret?

A very dear friend of mine enlightened me about The Secret in December 2006. My girlfriend and I had watched the DVD a few times and many of the messages resonated with me. During a recent coaching session, I was struck by a powerful question -- Have I already lived The Secret without even realizing it? As I thought back over the past 13 years, I began to understand that I have.

Beginning in 1994, I changed careers, survived a divorce, and found myself the single father of a very young child. In the years that followed, I came close to bankruptcy, experienced the tragic and unexpected loss of my baby brother, received a DUI, had lower back surgery on 2 ruptured discs, experienced a broken engagement, and came close to financial ruin, again.

During those 8 years of turmoil, I inflicted enormous pain on myself. I lived my life frozen in fear, continuing to make mistakes, and hiding in my emotional bunker filled with remorse, shame, humiliation, and regret. I found myself at the edge of an abyss -- a very dark and painful period in my life. When people find themselves at the edge, they have three choices. They can give up and jump in. They can freeze and live their lives on the edge of fear. Or, like me, they can find the flashlight of faith, summon their strength, and make a choice to climb out of the darkness and despair.

Despite the length of time and all of the painful experiences, I always maintained a deep belief that there was a larger purpose for my suffering, a destiny that transcended me and encapsulated something much broader in scope. I believed God was leading me on this journey to gain insight, wisdom, and truth. If I continued to focus on the light of hope and faith, maintain my unshakeable belief in myself, the ladder would appear for me to climb out and begin to move forward, discovering and living my purpose.

Looking back over the last 13 years, I have been able to identify the process, the 12 steps I lived, that dramatically changed my life.

1. I gained awareness that my life was at the abyss.

2. I broke through denials – recognized I was the reason.

3. I understood the source of my fears and the consequences of believing in them.

4. I learned how to control my mind and end the negative, self-limiting dialogue.

5. I looked at new, positive perspectives of my life and saw the truth.

6. I took responsibility for all of my words, actions, and decisions.

7. I learned how to be conscious, to be present, and live in the moment.

8. I adopted the attitude of gratitude and the freedom of forgiveness.

9. I created a new vision, consciously choosing positive values to honor.

10. I reaffirmed my absolute belief in myself and my vision.

11. I made an action plan with goals to attain.

12. I made a commitment to live each day with the intention of succeeding.

Many people live their lives unaware of the complex dynamics that cause them to repeat the ongoing pattern of emotional pain, chaos, and despair. They remain frozen in the icy grips of denial, view themselves as victims, and blame everyone and everything for their suffering. They allow their fears to run rampant, creating negative self-dialogue that controls their lives. When people view the world through the foggy lens of fear, it becomes very difficult to differentiate between past pain, present reality and future anxiety.

When fear has its painful grip on people, their mind begins to create distorted perspectives and unrealistic expectations. The process of change continues by learning how to control the mind, identify self-limiting beliefs, and replace them with positive, growth-promoting beliefs. It takes enormous insight for people to develop the understanding of how their thoughts influence their emotions, how their emotions influence their reactivity, and how reactivity can cause most of the problems in their relationships at home, at work and within themselves.

When people can look at their lives and the world around them through different perspectives, they give themselves opportunities to choose new truths. They have a fresh chance to take responsibility for their conduct within the new paradigm. They learn to live in a new state of consciousness, relishing the opportunities each moment offers. They learn to be grateful for what they have and to release the last vestiges of pain by forgiving others and themselves.

Once the first 8 steps have been completed, people are free to begin to create a new vision filled with hope, promise, and peace. They choose new, positive values to guide them on their journey. They re-claim an absolute belief in themselves, their lives, and their spirituality. Finally, the process comes to completion through creating an action plan, setting goals, and living every day with clarity, purpose, intent, and commitment to a future vision.

The final step is for people to make an unshakeable commitment to honor the promises they made to themselves and others. Without a solid commitment to the first 11 steps, people face the possibility of a return to the abyss.

All people make mistakes, experience regret, and at some point in life must weather a storm. All experiences, whether positive or negative, offer an opportunity to learn, stretch, grow, mature and change. We all have the power to shape our own destiny and claim the life we want to live, but if we cast blame or adopt a victim’s mentality, it becomes difficult to move past step 1 and experience the many gifts life has to offer.

It took me many, many years to understand this process and begin the journey to dramatically change my life. You, too can move beyond your fears, unlock your unlimited potential, and establish the positive beliefs to achieve and love the relationship, career, and life of your dreams.

• Order The Journey from “I-TO-WE” Book and Workbook

• Discover the benefits of Personal Life Coaching

• Learn about Couples Coaching

• See how we can help your company with our Business Coaching

• Receive our ”Free Monthly Newsletter

• Register for the Free Couples Relationship Assessment

• Register for the Free Personal Assessment Quiz

• Host or attend a Create an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship Workshop

• Host a Professional Relationship Workshop

• Listen to FREE audios and podcasts.
Click on the following link - Free Audio and Podcasts

• If you have any questions or comments,
click on the following link Contact Me