The "I-TO-WE" News
June 2007

May was one busy month at “I-TO-WE”

• We will be launching the new Couples workshop series in June and the new Business workshop series in July. Register to attend the next Couples or Business Workshop

• We accepted an invitation to teach a series of Couples and Business workshops at Trident Technical College in the fall. I am very excited for the opportunity to help people in the community who are seeking a way to achieve relationship success.

• We are very proud to announce the opening of The “I-TO-WE” Store !” At the store you can register for any of the upcoming Couples and Business workshops, purchase e-courses, video courses, audios, the “I-TO-WE” poster and other products..

• Within the month, I will be releasing the new version of The Journey from “I-TO-WE”. The new workbook has been designed to consist of seven sections. I will be offering each individual section for purchase to allow couples the opportunity to customize their own program by choosing the topics they wish to focus on.

• I will be offering each section on the store for individual purchases so you can work on the areas of your relationship you feel you need to improve.

• Within the next 2 months, I will be adding a series of Couples and Business e-courses consisting of workbooks and an audio. We are also in the process of developing a DVD workshop series that will be used in conjunction with the new workbook.

• If you have any feedback or would like to ask me your biggest relationship question, challenge or concern, e-mail me by clicking on the following link - Ask Glenn

All couples fight; this is a normal part of a relationship. However, be aware that the importance of the fight is not about the issue. Instead, how you go about the business of fighting and arguing is what makes all the difference.

In order to Create an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship, you must conduct yourself in a way that allows you to have a safe, honest, peaceful, respectful, and loving discussion. If you already do – at all times -- stop reading this article and enjoy your relationship. If not, continue reading to see if you can have an intense argument but still end the fight with safe, positive, loving feelings intact.

If an argument grows out of control, can you stop the battle and break the negative state? Can you calm yourself, return to your positive state, and finish the discussion in a safe, loving, and respectful manner? Or do you continue down the path of disappointment, frustration, defensiveness, resentment, contempt, and anger, thus entering the Cycle of Conflict?

For example, Tom and Sue have a discussion that turns into the “same old argument” about his working too much. Tom gets defensive and starts to degrade Sue – she doesn’t have a job, she should be grateful for all they have, he is only doing what is best for the family, etc. Sue reacts by berating him about not being there for the kids, and the like. Tom starts to yell – about anything and everything – and nothing is solved. Tom and Sue need to learn how to have this same old argument once and for all.

When in the throws of conflict, one or both of the partners must find a way to break the state, and do something to stop the cycle of toxic words and actions, thereby diffusing the negative energy. This one action alone can make or break a relationship. Breaking the negative state and stopping the conflict prevents overwhelming negative feelings that create an emotional gorge in the relationship. Sue could simply hold out her hand – a signal that she recognizes they are out of control. Tom understands the gesture, for he has used it as well. This first step breaks the state that often leads them to conflict. It is the first step necessary to end the cycle of conflict.

The second step is to self-soothe and calm down. Tom takes five deep breaths, and Sue closes her eyes and visualizes her favorite spot on the beach. The third and most critical step is to break the state of mind. If conflict has been frequent and intense, they have all the more reason to turn the tide of negativism before it drowns out all the positive feelings in the relationship. They each see that they had a part in this debacle, and want to rectify it. They come back together in a calmer, positive state to continue the discussion and arrive at a mutual compromise.

The last step is true forgiveness. We must be tolerant of each other’s limitations, remember we are all fallible, human, and deserve forgiveness. Through true forgiveness we can stop the endless recycling of negative energy and look upon others and ourselves with love.

• Order The Journey from “I-TO-WE” Book and Workbook

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Click on the following link - Free Audio and Podcasts

• If you have any questions or comments,
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