Notes from the Journey
In Part 1 of this article, I explained how our Trolls are born. In Part 2, we will discover the reason for their dastardly existence and how we feed them to be strong and destructive influences on our life. The Trolls are the voice of our fears. This voice begins to create our distorted perspectives and unrealistic expectations based on past pain and future anxiety. When this happens we view the world through discolored glasses blocking us from living in the present reality thereby inhibiting us from hearing our inner voice, the voice of consciousness, the voice of the now moment. When our fears are triggered, we tend to ruminate and become absorbed in negative self-talk which in turn fuels the energy that feeds our Trolls. We ask ourselves questions like: why has this happened to me, why is this person acting this way, how come, I should have, what would have happened if, I wish I had? We produce full length vivid movies in our minds about future events that overwhelmingly never materialize; a complete waste of time and energy. I like to say that all of us have a Steven Spielberg Troll. As our Trolls grow stronger, we become increasingly sensitized. When an everyday issue or situation does not match one of our distorted perspectives or unrealistic expectations, the troll screams out and we release this energy in the form of reactivity. We all have our favorite ways to release inappropriate, destructive or toxic words, actions or behaviors. Usually we have formed familiar negative behavior habits over the years. What is fascinating is that we usually either react the same way we did as children or we react to others the same way our parents reacted to us. Remember the movie Rambo with Sylvester Stallone? Rambo carried a backpack full of destructive weapons he used against his enemies. Metaphorically speaking, we also have a backpack filled with our favorite weapons of choice. When an issue or situation triggers us, it releases energy. The intensity of this energy is directly correlated with the magnitude of our fear. This is a list of some of the common ways people display their reactivity. Look through the list, be honest with yourself and identify your Relationship Killer weapons you use to project out your negative reactive energy. Mocking - Blaming - Minimizing - Justifying The main function for our Trolls existence is to guide us to make decisions that lead us to react in a way that re-creates similar situations in order to re-injur our emotional wounds, validate our fears and keep us stuck in an internal cycle of conflict. This internal cycle of conflict will manifest and perpetuate our external cycle of conflict and it is what keeps us making the same mistakes and creating challenges, turmoil and chaos in our lives. Here are two examples.
1. During your adolescent, you were repeatedly told you were not smart enough, good enough and/or would never amount to anything. If so, you probably began to internalize and believe the messages. When you are faced with a major challenge at work, you invariably might tell yourself, “Why bother, I will never get it right. Joe Schmo is must smarter then I am.” You then block yourself from accomplishing the task at hand and successfully advancing in your career. 2. Let’s say as a child you perceived an incident as a negative experience that manifested as a fear of abandonment. When you enter into a committed relationship, your Troll will impair your ability to distinguish between past pain, present reality and future anxiety. If your partner does something to trigger that fear, you will react in a way that pushes him/her away to validate that you are abandoned. In the next installment, we will learn how to manage our Trolls to lessen the negative impact they have on our lives. So, the question from the journey is, “What are your favorite weapons of choice and how can you take personal responsibility to change your bad habits?” Link for Part 1 – How Wicked is Your Troll – http://www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/Notes-How-Wicked-Is-Your-Troll-Part-1.html
Glenn Cohen is an acclaimed certified coach, speaker and author. His practice encompasses Personal, Couples, Divorce and Business Coaching. Glenn also conducts workshops, speeches and seminars for companies, civic, religious organizations and other associations on how to Create Emotionally Intelligent Relationships at home, at work, and within the self. He is the author of the ground breaking book and companion workbook, The Journey from “I-TO-WE.’. You may contact him at 843-852-9828 or his website: http://www.i-to-we-coaching.com
Contact Information Glenn Cohen "I-TO-WE" Coaching Office: (843) 852-9828
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